Even Diamonds Start As Coal

2009-08-05T10:04:00.000-07:00

I miss collaging. I haven't really gotten to do any since I had mono and made Brian that notebook that I bt he never uses... But oh well. I had fun making it. Ok, as soon as I have the money, I am going to buy glue, tons of tape, and a bunch of composition notebooks. Then I'll just go through all the magazines and catalogs we get and cut them to pieces and make a bunch of stuff :) I now have something to look forward to. Oh, and I got the job I wanted. Woo!

Dear Spanish Mistress,

2009-08-02T08:42:00.001-07:00

You are coming back for a little while and I am so freaking excited. Remember when we would spend hours at Lake Elizabeth singing to people? That was fun. I think we should do it again. Or going to visit Grigg and take pictures in all those freaking hats? I miss those times. But it reminds me a lot of a song by our other BFF. (haha)

I'm Only Me When I'm With You
Friday night beneath the stars,
in a field behind your yard,
you and I are paintin' pictures in the sky.
And sometimes we don't say a thing;
just listen to the crickets sing.
Everything I need is right here by my side.
And I know everything about you
I don't wanna live without you.

I'm only up when you're not down.
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground.
It's like no matter what I do.
Well you drive me crazy half the time;
the other half I'm only trying to let you know that what I feel is true.
And I'm only me when I'm with you.

Just a small town boy and girl
livin' in a crazy world.
Tryin' to figure out what is and isn't true.
And I don't try to hide my tears.
The secrets or my deepest fears.
Through it all nobody gets me like you do.
And you know everything about me.
You say that you can't live without me.

When I'm with anybody else it's so hard to be myself.
Only you can tell.

That I'm only up when you're not down.
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground.
It's like no matter what I do.
Well you drive me crazy half the time;
the other half I'm only trying to let you know that what I feel is true.
And I'm only me
Who I wanna be
Well, I'm only me when I'm with you

Dear Abbey Road Album,

2009-08-01T10:15:00.000-07:00

This picture is on the back of you and I really don't think its a symbol of anything, but apparently some people do. They say that John is the Priest, Ringo is the attendee of the funeral, Paul is the corpse, and George is the grave digger. Oh silly people. I don't think too much into the voodoo myths that some put so much value into, but I just wanted to say that you're a pretty good album and I enjoy listening to you in the car with my dad. Too bad you can't keep up the good work......

Dear 1950's,

2009-07-31T13:12:00.000-07:00

I would just like to take a minute to thank you for providing so many beautiful things. I know that not everyone likes you, but I have to say that you haven't failed me at all. From your fashion to your cheesy movies, I am quite honored and pleased to say that I admire you.

Top 20 Favorite things that you have given to the world:
1. Gorgeous actors in their prime. (see photo)
2. Poodle skirts
3. Very classy cars, of which my favorite one ever came from you. The 1957 Cadillac DeVille.
4. Ball point pens.
5. Ritz Crackers. Mmmmm.
6. The baby boom of post WW2. Welcome to the world, Father.
7. The first oral cotraceptive. Bye Bye acne and pms.
8. Credit Cards. Though sometimes, you are not a favorite.
9. More famous icons. Bing Crosby, Bob Hope, John Wayne, James Stewart, Frank Sinatra, and Marilyn Monroe
10. Color T.V.
11. Frozen French Fries
12. The original Twilight Zone
13. Mr. Potato Head
14. Hoola Hoops
15. Jackson Pollock
16. Johnny Cash
17. Basically the decade with only well-respected athletes...
18. I Love Lucy
19. Dwight D. Eisenhower
20. Lord of the Rings. Heh heh heh.

Dear Sami,

2009-07-31T08:19:00.000-07:00

Thank you infinitely for letting me a part of your family. You are all so beatiful and I am eternally grateful to have you as a role model in my life. I hope the 6 you have now and the 6 to come (heh heh heh)continue to see the beauty and strength you hold that I admire so greatly. LOVE YOU!!

Polaroid Collection

2009-07-29T10:56:00.000-07:00

So for an art class one year, we were asked to photograph "in the life" with polaroids. Since then, i've had an unhealthy love towards polaroids and thought i'd post some of the pieces on here. enjoy :)

Invictus

2009-07-28T17:06:00.000-07:00

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how straight the gate;
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate.
I am the captain of my soul.

-William Ernest Henley

2009-07-28T11:38:00.000-07:00

Dear Damien,
You are coming back from your mission in Russia in about a month and I am too excited for words. I still have that ratty shirt you sent me in the mail about a year ago and I wear it more than reasonibly sane. haha. I can't wait to see you again. I think I'm going with Andrade and Isaac to pick you up at the airport :)
Love,
Leilani

2009-07-27T15:24:00.001-07:00

There is something I am trying to say
But the words don’t come out as I want them to
I feel weak because I don’t want you to go on
Thinking that I don’t care, when in reality
I don’t stop thinking of the last time I saw your face,
The last time I heard your laugh,
And the last words you said to me
The things I want to say to you don’t come out right
I don’t want to screw this up
But it’s not like I haven’t done that yet
I’m sorry that I hurt you and I’m sorry that I left you behind
I never wanted to do any of that
And I don’t even know why I did
I guess I thought you would walk out first
And I couldn’t bear it if you left me
So rather than tell you how I felt
I did to you what I didn’t want done to me
I’m a hypocrite in my own line of reason
And for that I am sorry
I can’t take it back; there will never be a rewind button
I only hope that you give me another chance
A chance to prove myself as I have changed
Or at least I would like to think I have
I want to show you that I’m not who you knew before
I’m still me, but I care more about myself and others now
I don’t go around cursing myself anymore
And I want you to see it; I want you to stay with me again
Like you did when I was sick or scared
I want you to hold me again,
Like you did when I thought I was too far gone
I just want you to know who I am now
And I want you to be the same old person you were
Because that’s who I could fall in love with
That’s who I was happy with and who I wanted to be with
It was just you and me back then
And I’m sorry I ruined that
Please hear these words, because I feel I’ve already lost you.

2009-07-27T15:17:00.000-07:00

Dear Barracuda,
You piss me off. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I love you, even when you don't love yourself. You have a special light that may be dim to you, but is vibrant to me. I hope that you will be happy with your decision and finally see yourself that way I do. I promise I'll write and email so often that you'll get sick of me. I'll bug you until we're both old and wrinkly because guess what? You are my best friend and I love you more than I can comprehend. Thank you for teaching me how to be myself and not letting me hate myself. Keep your head up and always remember that you are an amazing person and you are bound to do good in this world.
Love always,
Cobra.
P.S. No one deserves better than the best and you are totally worth it.

2009-07-17T09:48:00.000-07:00

Your tire tracks are fading into the night
And I am alone with not even the stars to guide me
Your light went out long ago and I am asleep
Eternal misery wraps me in a blanket of shame
I remember when I watched you walk away
The pictures you took were taped all over my wall
And though they are of your hands, shoes, and the back of your head
They capture you as you are: honest
You have never lied to me, and though I’ve hated your words
I admire that you are the one person I loved
Who has never had to boost yourself up
To make sure I wouldn’t leave you behind
And I’m sorry that I walked out at the worst timing
I was selfish, but I’m not like that anymore
I let you down and since that day,
I’ve felt like a monster in my own imagination
I walk the lines of blasphemy and I do it alone
You are the only thing that has made me feel whole
And I’m sorry that as a payback I made you hollow
I feel as though I took everything that ever made you happy
And shattered it into millions of pieces
Pieces that cannot be repaired or replenished
Because not only did I break them, but I lost some of them as well
I am horrendous and I would not blame you if you left
For I already have, so I don’t understand why you stay
You are a light in the dark, and because of my greed,
I dimmed you and made you luminescence dull
I bore into your memory and took you captive
Forcing you to come back to me anytime I want you to
I could have broken the ties anytime I wanted to, but I didn’t
I took away from you who you are
And though people sit and stare and mock your pain
You’ve never given up on me
Never backed out or said good bye at the times you could have
You saved me and in return I ruined you
I am heinous and ashamed in my own line of misery
If you walk away, I won’t blame you
I won’t hold a grudge against what I took away from you

Tribute to My Best Friend

2009-07-17T09:45:00.000-07:00

As the sun comes in through the cracks
Your eyes tell me that I’m not alone
They capture me in rapture and bliss
And yet I fear what you might hold inside
You could up and leave without notice
And I’d be crushed into bitter despair
You have infinitely leant me a shoulder
And my muffled cries continue to soak in you
My story is not fully told but without you in it,
My story serves no purpose
You stand on a street corner without any life
And I only blame myself for sucking it from you
These days are numbered; the nights are few
Your breath comes in more slowly
You’re hollow lips are cracking
The sun is staring dangerously now
Blinding my fear and clouding you with mystery

2009-07-16T18:38:00.000-07:00

There’s a lighthouse filled with epiphanies
Of bitter distortion and insignificant innocence
And there’s a woman, screaming under water,
Hoping the deaf will hear her muffled cries
A man sits on his front porch with a dagger to his heart,
Hoping the blind with see his sorrow and anguish
But when the deaf and blind turn and walk away,
I wonder who will save the broken now.
Who will tame the candle, lost in the shadows
Of temptation, infidelity, and abuse?
The starving prisoner refusing to eat,
For fear of his demise to a rotten piece of flesh
The battled hands, covered in scars, refuse any help,
For fear they will lose the memories of panic and murder
A little boy cries, but refuses to wipe his tears,
For fear of not being a man of honor
The footsteps answer the tired, silver pavement
As a wave of adrenaline deadens your hand in mine
The acid of your kiss still burns the back of my throat
As your generic teardrops drown in a world of blood
I choke on the sound of the silent screams,
Each pleading for a resolution of the chaos that haunts,
The epitomes of rotten seduction,
The experiences that break us until we forget that
Blood is thicker than water, in the sense of loving eternally
And yet, how people misunderstand that and think,
“I’ll kill a fellow brother or sister, because if
Blood is thicker, then who is to deny how
Widespread this Sacrifice will be? I will be king. My word will be law.”
And they will be right in a sense; their word will be law
To the heinous mockery of the bloodshed to free out nation of
Discrimination and dispute
Epitaphs and obituaries will pile up, farther and higher,
Beyond the gates of heaven and hell
The love of one’s self and of another should be our only muse
Not the addiction of the needle, the blunt, the shot glass, or the line
We kill ourselves, though not softly
We bury ourselves in bitter agony until our glass box containing the world
Is broken and we are resentful, false, reclusive
We are inhumane as we walk the lines of blasphemy,
As we turn away from traditions of hope
And follow the darkness into seduction, passion, and harsh words
Our pathetic lives continuing in a cycle of love, loss, lust, and broken
We break ourselves from the lighthouse and fling ourselves to our deaths
On the bloody rocks below
Is it over yet?
No, because society plagues us until one day
The human race
Is Lost

Dracula

2009-07-16T18:36:00.000-07:00

The music played softly
As I peeled back the covers
Of her shirt
From her warm, porcelain skin.
I wake in rapture
To the sound
Of her heartbeat
And for a few moments,
The memories come
Flooding back
As though the dam of my mind
Has broken
And the taste of her blood
Is warm

Slam

2009-07-16T09:35:00.000-07:00

I am
A broken record
Skipping
And spitting out nonsense…
My rhythm of speech like a metronome…
You’ve seen my kind before.
I complain too much
I blow things out of proportion
I refuse to remember those outside of my small bubble

I am
The walking epitome of PMS
My heart’s beating like a hammer
And pumping propane
And insane tendencies in my spider web veins
My temper is a time bomb
One false step
And spontaneous combustion
Throwing you down to your knees

I am
A self-absorbed hypocrite
Self-righteous and ego-inebriated
Showing no consideration for other’s pain
Answering no one
Yet questioning everyone
I emit my precarious ravelings
Like a fast paced talking distorted drivel
Calling it consciousness

I am
The queen of hearts
Mixing hidden conspiracies
With my own delusional inadequacies
While trying to convince you
That all of this is art
But since you’re still here
Make yourself at home and please,
Tell me again what a nuisance I’ve become

I am
A lost cause
An artist who has no inspiration
An imposter
Limited in rhetoric
Belligerent and foul
One dimensional and closed minded
Performing a little tap dance on your soul
I guess this poetry thing isn’t me

I am redundant
Indecisive out loud but set minded inside
My words are aimless
And they show I am incapable
My weakness is heard when I scream
Unfettered thoughts distorting me
And my stream of thinking
My subconscious is the remnants after an atomic bomb
And I don’t dare extend an invitation

I am daughter
I am sister
I am love and loss
I am bitter
I am complex
I am wisdom
I am idiocy
I am surviving
I am human.